I take the 5th on that

Some things I'll never confess to. I don't know who snuck the 4-H goat into radiology at 5am to have it x-rayed for a bowel obstruction. I did hear that whoever it was was smart enough to make it wear a diaper

My Spanish...not so good

I felt I would be a better nurse to the Hispanic population I was serving if.....
I knew how to speak Spanish. The hospital had the capability of producing discharge instructions in Spanish, but what if the patient, or the parents of the patient, couldn't read? I decided to sign up for a class. The only class available was "Conversational Travel Spanish" and after about 3 weeks the only thing I could say was "I'm looking for my luggage" and "how much is a room"? Then a friend of mine from Argentina gave me a Spanish/English Medical Dictionary for Christmas and I went to work on a self-study craze. Thinking I was doing pretty well I decided to try it with a Hispanic MVA patient I was discharging. He had a mild Head Injury so I thought it was important that I stress no drinking alcohol for the next 24 hours. I meant to say "No cervesa (beer) for you". But instead I said "No cabeza (head) for you". I knew I had goofed when he and his friend BURST out laughing. They just couldn't pull it together and I stood there stunned by what I had just said and watched them roaring with laughter. As they walked out of the ER the friend kept pointing to the patient teasing "No cabeza for you".

EEEZ NO PROBLEM

It was 6:00am. My hubby was driving me to work. I just happened to look out my window to the right and saw, mostly hidden in brush, the "underside" of a car. I said to Hubby "Pull over, drop me off and call 911. Tell them to dispatch to a MVA. We have no idea if there are injuries." (once an ER nurse always an ER nurse). Hubby drove off and I started climbing through brush. So much for the clean uniform. I was just figuring out how to maneuver around the vehicle when I thought. "I hope there's not a madman back here in the swamps of South Carolina". What I found instead was a dazed tall man standing in the woods just starring. I started talking to him and he walked right past me out to the road. I said "Stop" I just want to make sure your OK" He responded "Eeez OK. Eeez OK". I said "Sit down". He did. The smell of booze was powerful. I let him know "I'm going to touch you and you tell me if it hurts". "Eeez O.K.,
Eeez O.K. Eeez O.K." was his only response to my TNCC process. It was all I could do to get him to sit and not walk away as he kept attempting to get up. I told him I was going to keep holding his head straight but he kept fussing. Then I heard the Sirens. The first to show up was the Sheriff Department. I gave them a quick report and stepped back to watch the show. The look on their faces told me they knew this was an intoxicated driver. The man kept repeating "Eeez O.K." Finally one of the Sheriffs stepped up to him and said "Eeez not OK bud. Turn around and put your hands behind your back" Nuff said...he was leaving with Johnny Law. My husband had called the ER, told them I'd be late but I was coming. As I got off the elevator I looked down at my muddy uniform and shoes. The other staff said "Where the hell were you" I responded "Climbing around the swamp with a Sheriff Deputy".