Glow in the Dark Condoms

I walked into the GYN room to greet my latest patient. She spoke no English but was able to get across the idea that something wasn't right "down there". I pantomimed a Gyn exam and she seemed to understand. The boy with her stood in the corner looking at his shoes. Every now and then the gal would say something to him in Spanish but he never spoke. The Doctor came in, legs put in the stirrups and the next thing I see being removed with ring forceps in a bright green with red, yellow and orange designs glow-in-the-dark condom. Apparently "one size fits all" was not the case here. Because it was not "snug" enough, the condom got left behind. My patient was smiling and happily discharged. Her "guy" never looked up from his shoes.

I left the room and went to my heart patient who had been having runs of tachycardia. Her Doctor was in the hall looking flustered. He turned to me and said "Just once I want a normal patient. She's got cocaine in her urine but keeps denying she has used any drugs. Even when I show her the urine results she says 'It must be a mistake. They must have used someone else's pee'. I just once want a patient who doesn't try to BS me". I looked at him inquisitively and asked "Are you flustered because you didn't think an addict should lie?" He apologized and said he was just frustrated today. I told him "Well you could always tag along with Dr ____. He just pulled a glow-in-the-dark condom out of a gal". He burst out laughing and said "Thanks. I needed that. You always seem to give perspective." I'll take that as a compliment.