VIAGRA MAN

Once both children were off to college I added "Cruise Nursing" to my resume. I signed on as a part-time cruise nurse and agreed to sail 3-4 times/year. My husband Rick was familiar with cruising and steered me towards a higher-end line that catered to the senior crowd. After all, this groups chief complaints were more than familiar to me. "CHF, Kidney Stones, Skin Avulsions, Falls, Chest Pain and let us not forget the Prostate "I can't get my stream going". I did not want one of those "Kmart of the Caribbean" cruise lines dealing with drunks who dove in the shallow end by mistake. No climbing walls on the high seas for me.

I sailed off to the Baltic, Europe, Alaska, Caribbean and more. On my days off I wandered Spain, Norway, Russia and Portugal. I toured ruins in Rome, museums in France, history in the Panama Canal. I was awed by glaciers in Alaska and found my Grandmother's green eyes in Copenhagen. While walking in the Palace's Amber Room in
St Petersburg Russia I found myself thinking "It's nursing that made today possible" I may not be able to afford to be a paying passenger, but as a nurse I can always barter my passage. There are so many cruise stories to tell. One of my most memorable was a 3 week cruise through the Panama Canal.

Meet "Viagra Man" as the medical staff lovingly nick named him. This gentleman was 85 yrs old and took the 3 week cruise with his 83yr old fiance. The ship stopped for a day in Nicaragua. That evening after pulling out of port the 85yr old was wheeled into the infirmary. I was on duty. His German wife-to-be complained that he was "Veak and vouldn't stand up". Well, that happens with a blood pressure of 76/32. He was a tiny man with no history of CHF so we pumped him full of fluids. Rick (frequently in the infirmary helping) wheeled him back to his cabin for us and we checked on him for the next few hours. All seemed well. Probably just another little old guy over doing it.

So we thought... until the next morning when a cabin boy wheeled him back to the infirmary. B/P still unstable. He was still "veak" and dizzy. Another liter of fluids and more questions. As I sat with him he turned and looked up at me with desperation in his eyes. "Tell her no more. Tell her I can't do this." The story unfolds. Turns out that a few months ago his fiance talked him into using Viagra. He developed chest pains and earned himself a trip to the ER. "My Doctor told me never again. But she won't give up".

What??? While in Nicaragua they visited a local street market where medicinal herbs were sold along with fruits and vegetables. His fiance asked about "performance enhancing herbs" and was sold a bag of something. Ingesting this herb had resulted in his first visit to the infirmary. As usual, and as every ER nurse knows "they never tell you the whole story".

I gave Viagra Man 1000cc of NS and for his fiance, some much needed education. I explained to her, at his age when all the blood went to the "pleasure zone" there was not enough left to keep him standing. If his Doctor said to lay off it...it's because it's not safe and he could die. Rule #1 in ER patient education "blunt works".

What I wanted to say was... "Are you trying to kill the poor guy. For God's sake woman buy a battery operated device and leave him alone!" My mind wandered to the young gold diggers who marry the old farts for their money. This would be a good detective novel. Viagra Man visited us again for another liter of fluids that evening. It took 5 liters of fluids over 3 days to get him functioning. I can only imagine the bill for Infirmary Services.

When visiting Nicaragua don't buy Nicaraguan Viagra!!!