We're not God...thank God

Nursing reminds me who I am, who I'm not, and what is better left in God's hands.

Level I Medical has arrived. EMS is coding a pencil thin, naked old man who is covered in dried feces and hypothermic. It took a while for the police to locate his 75 yr old brother. His brother walked into the room, confirmed the mans identity, then walked out shaking his head. I stepped out in the hall to talk with him. According to the brother "He used to be a drinker but his last wife had the rope on him. Made him go to church, fed him good and drove him everywhere. Didn't leave him alone for a minute. She died 11 yrs ago and the family really hasn't seen him since". The EMS run sheet said the patient lived in a one room cabin in the woods. The grounds keeper found him outside the cabin on the ground. He was unresponsive, covered in urine and s____. The groundskeeper figured him for dead. EMS arrives on scene and damn..he had a heart rate of 175. So the fun begins... Intubated and vented, 7 bags of fluids over 2 hours, still ZERO urine output from foley. The ER Doc says to us "That's the highest Na, K and Cr and the lowest Ph I've ever seen". The hot-line"s running saline at top speed, bear hugger in play going strong but I still didn't see a core temp above 92. His racing heart wins him a bed in ICU. I wanted to just hurry and get him up there knowing it was just a waiting game now and he could continue his passing over up there. I had work to do.

But wait, the Doc says "on the way to ICU take him to radiology so we can put a dialysis catheter in him". I guess we will run his kidney through the cleaner and make him better? I start thinking "There is just no dignity for this guy. He's going to wake up covered in s___ in the ICU with 1/2 a brain and lots of debt". There are moments in nursing when the most I can do is return a little dignity. The other nurse and I are literally washing his feet when I start saying "Why are we doing all this. for what reason? CT showed his brain is now the size of a walnut, he's on his way out for God's sake! Why do we get in the way of people dying just to keep them here in their messy lives"? The other nurse speaks up and reminds me "We don't get to choose. He has a heart rate, he gets it all". OK, I'll work on that. The next day I came in curious to look him up on the computer and see what happened. "I'll be damned" I said as I read the ICU nurses charting.

He woke up, started pulling tubes, seizured and by morning all his lab values were normal and he was taking oral fluids and following simple directions. Granted he won't be functioning independently for a while but I remind myself that this had more to do with God's plan than any of us. Maybe now he'll be able to reconnect with his family and leave this earth in a more dignified, loving way. Maybe holding his brother's hand..... I learn again.